Just 7 more days until I can go home.
7 days until I have to ask my parents for something.
All the other things I have planned don't even matter right now, like seeing my friends, spending time with my family, having some down time, etc.
Maybe I'm building this up too much in my mind. My brain tends to do that. It comes with these exaggerated scenarios that couldn't possibly happen.
I just want to sit them down, and get it over with. I'm just going to keep telling myself it won't be so bad.
In other news, I haven't seriously started studying for exams yet. One week till my accounting one, and that's going to be the big one. I still have a paper to write for Marketing and my Data Mining assignment to submit. I need to pour my energy into this rather than worrying about things that won't happen.
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Posted by
lilydarke4
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Posted by
lilydarke4
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I haven't written here for a while. But, I guess that's because I have Tumblr, and I've been kinda busy. It's not like anyone actually reads this.
Lately, my weekends have been like this one, except for last week when I went to see a movie with my friends. You know how you have those times where you don't want any human contact? I guess, in my case, I don't want to talk to anyone face-to-face or on the phone. Despite feeling like that, I was still feeling pretty lonely. I mean, I did talk to my cousin, and my parents yesterday morning, but then I just got this feeling, and I've just been ignoring my mom's messages to call her. I'm doing this a lot, and just passing it off as forgetting or being busy with school, even though I'm not.
It's a pretty crummy feeling. I'm feeling homesick, but I'm pretty nervous to actually have to go home. Being by myself isn't satisfying. Being at home might not feel satisfying. There's a conversation I need to have with my parents when I go home, and probably every time we talk on the phone, I think about it, and I clam up. I'm really nervous about it. I need to ask for something, and I'm scared about their reactions.
I mean, at least I have something to talk about to someone next time.
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lilydarke4
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I'll be turning 22 tomorrow. While I'm writing this, I'm going to try to not be pessimistic and criticize myself for my mistakes over the past 22 years. Mistakes have been made, but I do have a great life, with my family and friends supporting me.
What's done is done, right? And all I can do is try to be a better person from now on. I don't know if I've really changed much from last year. Maybe, I've grown up a little more and I'm thinking of things outside my own little bubble. Though, it's a bubble I'm not ready to leave yet.
I guess four years ago, I thought I'd be graduating by now, and, either going to graduate school or finding a job. Well, I'm not doing a lot of things that I thought I would be doing by now, but I don't think I'm in a bad place right now. I could possibly be going to Japan or I could have one last year at university and really prepare myself to get out into the real world, and figure out what I want to do. Because it feels like I'm wasting away my life doing nothing worthwhile each day.
Maybe I should set a goal for myself, to accomplish something, even if it's a tiny thing, just so I can feel good about myself lol. I actually wrote some stuff down after I finished my exams, like I'll do 5 kanji a day, or I'll study 4 french verbs a day. Yeah, didn't really do that, mostly because it bored me I guess?
Haha, so I'm going to keep thinking and see where that goes.
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lilydarke4
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I don’t usually do things like this but I just need to rant a little because it’s been happening too much these past few weeks! You don’t really have to read this.
Why can’t people get off my back about being a vegetarian?! Is that so odd?! At work, when someone is doing a demo of some meat product, they urge me to try it and I tell them “No thanks, I’m a vegetarian”, they try to pressure me anyways! It pisses me off, but I don’t ever show it. Just smile and ignore.
Sure, they’re curious so they ask me questions. No problem. I’ll try my best to answer them. No, it’s not because of religion. No one is forcing me. It’s not because of my family seeing as my dad and brother eat meat, and my mom eats seafood. No, I have never really been curious enough to try it. I’ve been vegetarian since birth. Yeah, I eat egg. I’m missing out? Whatever. That’s your opinion. I’m content with my lifestyle.
I’m crazy? That’s just plain rude! What I eat isn’t real food? Now why would you say that? Stuff like that irritates me the most! And no, I don’t just eat raw vegetables every day!
It’s not like I’m still holding a grudge about this but when I was in high school, my friends and I were at the mall, and they decided to get sushi (real sushi, lol and not what I eat) at the food court. And they pressured me to eat a salmon roe one. My chopstick holding skills were pretty bad back then so I kept dropping it and all of the little eggs fell off. And then I ate it. I knew there was nothing else on it except for rice and seaweed, but just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. Why? I have no idea! Maybe there’s some mental block in my mind telling me how wrong it is for me and I made myself sick.
Yeah, I don’t know. I’m just getting a little tired of justifying my reasons to others regarding this matter. Isn’t just saying that it’s my choice enough? Sure, I care about animals and their right to live and all, but honestly, that’s not a big part of this.
Anyways, if you read through this, thanks. I just wanted to say what was bothering me lately. At 4:20 AM. Work’s going to be fun tomorrow.
