˚°¤☆The colour of the future ☆¤°˚

I haven't really started any new anime since Free Eternal Summer, but I was kinda bored while I was making dinner today, so I decided to start The Devil Is A Part-timer, since it was on Netflix!

It's hilarious! I was kinda hoping it'd be somewhat like Beelzebub (which I still need to finish, but I think I might just start over and marathon it). Anyways, this did not disappoint! I'm almost done the series, and I wish there was a season 2! Ahh, Maou is so lame, but so cool! <3 nbsp="" p="">
But what am I doing, starting all these new shows when there's a month left until exams and there are so many projects and stuff to finish? I'm enjoying myself here finally, so that's all that matters, really. I felt so homesick and exhausted last semester, but I decided to do more stuff this time, and meet more people with similar interests. I guess once I started feeling more happy, I was able to let go of some hangups and be a little more social (only when I want to be though).

By the way, this happiness cloud, that I've been on lately, is from the Arashi concert. Even if it was a month and a half ago, I'm still so happy. It's been my dream (or rather, on my bucket list) for a long time, and it was something I thought would never happen. It's difficult to explain what Arashi is to me. I guess their songs, their shows, their personalities helped me through a lot of things, and I was able to open my mind to a whole different perspective sometimes. One thing that hasn't changed: they can always make me smile.

Interesting enough late night ramblings from me? I should sleep. I got sick somehow last week, and it's being very stubborn. I guess it also doesn't help that I'm up so late everyday. Get this under control already! You're 24 1/2! (Haha)

So, I went to Honolulu over the weekend for the Arashi Blast concert, and just came back yesterday!

There's absolutely no doubt in my mind that it was a mistake to go in the middle of the school year, or kinda be in debt.

There's so many things I want to talk about, like how it was the best night/weekend of my life so far.

But, alas, I have a test tomorrow and class in an hour, so a proper report will have to wait until later.

It's been such  a while since I last updated!

So I did well on my exams, I came home for the summer, and I've had the best one yet! I really missed my home. I know, I know, I'm such a baby for getting so homesick after just being away for 5 months. But it's been tough! The only other time I've kinda been away from home was during first year, and that didn't really count since I would go home every few weeks, mostly whenever I needed to do laundry.

Anyways, on to my awesome summer. Couple of big trips;  I went to NYC with my high school besties for a 4 day trip, and that was just soo amazing, as well as exhausting. I also went to a cottage in a very peaceful area with my family for a week. I don't think I could live there for a long period of time though. The quietness was a little unnerving, and also there was such a weak cell signal.

Other than that, I got to see my friends multiple times to hang out. I didn't realize I missed them so much until I came back. I've made friends in Texas but obviously, I don't connect to anyone at this level yet. Soon, I hope.

I still have a couple more trips coming up! I'm leaving this week to go to Disney World! I'm so excited! I've only been to Disneyland before and that too was a while ago, so I don't remember it too clearly. I'm also going to the Wizarding World which I've been awaiting for years!

And now the most important part: I'm going to see Arashi's 15th anniversary concert in Hawaii!!! I cannot believe that it's actually happening! I had pretty much resigned myself to thinking that I'll just never get to see them in concert in my lifetime, and for the first time, they're letting US and Canadian residents buy tickets! I'm so grateful that my parents are letting me go to this even though it's in the middle of my term!

I'm 24! I can't believe it~!

My day's been incredibly boring though. Unfortunately, tomorrow is the start of exam season and I have an exam at 5, along with an essay. And then one more on Tuesday at 11 AM. So, I've been procrastinating, studying and doing my essay, and I still haven't accomplished much.

I shouldn't have procrastinated so much, but it is my birthday, and I'm allowed to relax, and talk to friends and family. I can't wait for the next two days to be over so I can go home. I have to remember to clean my room before I leave, and also start packing my suitcase sometime tomorrow. And do laundry. In addition to studying. Ugh.

This accounting final is stressing me out so much. I need a B and I have a B now but I'm right on the edge, and I need to do really well. But stressing out isn't helping me focus at all!

Even now, I'm procrastinating. I must get back!

Just 7 more days until I can go home.

7 days until I have to ask my parents for something.

All the other things I have planned don't even matter right now, like seeing my friends, spending time with my family, having some down time, etc.

Maybe I'm building this up too much in my mind. My brain tends to do that. It comes with these exaggerated scenarios that couldn't possibly happen.

I just want to sit them down, and get it over with. I'm just going to keep telling myself it won't be so bad.

In other news, I haven't seriously started studying for exams yet. One week till my accounting one, and that's going to be the big one. I still have a paper to write for Marketing and my Data Mining assignment to submit. I need to pour my energy into this rather than worrying about things that won't happen.

I haven't written here for a while. But, I guess that's because I have Tumblr, and I've been kinda busy. It's not like anyone actually reads this.

Lately, my weekends have been like this one, except for last week when I went to see a movie with my friends. You know how you have those times where you don't want any human contact? I guess, in my case, I don't want to talk to anyone face-to-face or on the phone. Despite feeling like that, I was still feeling pretty lonely. I mean, I did talk to my cousin, and my parents yesterday morning, but then I just got this feeling, and I've just been ignoring my mom's messages to call her. I'm doing this a lot, and just passing it off as forgetting or being busy with school, even though I'm not.

It's a pretty crummy feeling. I'm feeling homesick, but I'm pretty nervous to actually have to go home. Being by myself isn't satisfying. Being at home might not feel satisfying. There's a conversation I need to have with my parents when I go home, and probably every time we talk on the phone, I think about it, and I clam up. I'm really nervous about it. I need to ask for something, and I'm scared about their reactions.

I mean, at least I have something to talk about to someone next time.

Oh god, oh god, I'm panicking a little bit, because I have just realized what I did.
Not like it's a bad thing, but it's making my head explode a little every time I think about it.
I want to talk to my best friend about but she's all the way at her university and I probably won't see her till both our exams are finished.

Sometimes, I think that I'd give anything to be one of those people who really have a grip on what they'd like to do with their lives. I mean, it's not like it's a bad thing, taking it one day at a time and having ever-changing dreams.

I just wonder what it would have been like if I really stuck with what my dreams from when I was a kid.

I'm still young, I guess, so it's ok to not have everything decided right now. But I feel like it'll be a life of something that I'm just tolerating, instead of living.

I want to have something that I'm so passionate about so that nothing else matters. I have to find it somehow.

Yes, I am procrastinating. I should be doing the French homework or be recopying my micro notes, instead I decided to do this because I haven't written in a while.

My summer courses are passing by really quickly! I'm happy I'm only taking 2 instead of the 3 I was originally planning to take this term.. that would have definitely stressed me out too much! It was a 4th year International Studies course about war and its philosophies, and I couldn't understand anything since I'm an econ major, and not a sociology major.

Anyways, I just wanted to share some pictures~ Granted, I've already done so on Facebook and tumblr, but I'm so proud of them that I want to post it everywhere! Well, that was a bit of a lie.. I am proud of it, but everytime I look at them, my eyes criticize every small mistake I made and I scold myself  about the million ways I could have made it better.

The Golden Snitch

Loki's helmet

The Mockingjay pin

I suppose I could call these my series of objects from books/movies! I think I just started up with making stuff out of clay again when I felt it was absolutely necessary that I have a Snitch necklace haha. And then, last month, I decided to make Sarah a Mockingjay pin because we're both huge fans of the Hunger Games! Finally, I have become very obsessed with Loki in the past few months, so I decided to make a ring out of his helmet! <3

I'll be turning 22 tomorrow. While I'm writing this, I'm going to try to not be pessimistic and criticize myself for my mistakes over the past 22 years.  Mistakes have been made, but I do have a great life, with my family and friends supporting me.
What's done is done, right? And all I can do is try to be a better person from now on. I don't know if I've really changed much from last year. Maybe, I've grown up a little more and I'm thinking of things outside my own little bubble. Though, it's a bubble I'm not ready to leave yet.

I guess four years ago, I thought I'd be graduating by now, and, either going to graduate school or finding a job. Well, I'm not doing a lot of things that I thought I would be doing by now, but I don't think I'm in a bad place right now. I could possibly be going to Japan or I could have one last year at university and really prepare myself to get out into the real world, and figure out what I want to do. Because it feels like I'm wasting away my life doing nothing worthwhile each day.

Maybe I should set a goal for myself, to accomplish something, even if it's a tiny thing, just so I can feel good about myself lol. I actually wrote some stuff down after I finished my exams, like I'll do 5 kanji a day, or I'll study 4 french verbs a day. Yeah, didn't really do that, mostly because it bored me I guess?

Haha, so I'm going to keep thinking and see where that goes.

I finished my last exam on Wednesday. It's an understatement  to say it didn't go well. But, I've become strangely resistant to that feeling now, and it's worrying.

I knew how important it was that I did well, but I still didn't put in the effort. Others can say that you worked hard, but I'm the only one who knows, right? I did work hard, but at the same time, I also lost my motivation, so in the end it would probably not be seen as hard work.

The one thing I wanted the most, the one thing that I honestly had been 100% sure that I would be able to get at the beginning of this year, was destroyed by me.

Still, there is a slight chance, however tiny it may be. I am safe for now, but, if I sabotage myself again, then I won't be able to go. So, I can't fool around in the summer.

I have a lot of fears and uncertainties going through my mind right now, about which I want to talk to someone. I don't think it'll help, seeing as they can only offer either comforting words or false hope. Also, I'm afraid that once I voice them out, they will become real, and it won't be as easy to pass off as me over-thinking something.

I had a lot of fun yesterday~! I met other people going to Japan, and one of them is going to the same university! And I also met a girl who returned from the university that I'm going to attend! I got a lot of my questions answered, and also learned that it's not going to be a complete breeze, suddenly living in a different country!

As nervous and excited as I am, I really can't research and think about this right now! I have 2 more exams to get through (where I need to get excellent grades) to pull up my GPA! And then I can do whatever preparations I want for Japan without feeling guilty!

Why am I even on my blog? I don't know.. I'm going back to studying! I have 4 chapters of math to go through before Sunday!! And why do I have a Sunday exam in the first place?! It's my 2nd year in a row having a Sunday one.. >.<


Here's an excellent Harry Potter Medley that I'm listening to on repeat!

Tomorrow's the pre-departure training for the exchange! It's going to be all day, from 8:15 AM - 5:30 PM! What are we going to be doing for the whole day? :o

I'm really excited to meet other people who are going to Japan! My friend from my Japanese class is going to a different university, but she's going to be in Tokyo too! Ahh I'm so excited and scared at the same time!

So before I go to the training, I'm supposed to fill out this host country questionnaire, and it has a lot of different types of questions about the culture, background, health, safety and academics of Japan. So while researching, I came across a lot of racism directed towards foreigners, and I'm wondering if a lot of people are going to react like that. I have meet some exchange students who came here, and they are the sweetest bunch of people I have met, so obviously, I can't generalize something like that!

Anyways, I finally finished that tedious questionnaire! I learned a lot of stuff actually. I don't think I would have thought to check all this stuff on my own!

Time to sleep, and then wake up in about 5 hours so I can catch my bus! >_<

I woke up pretty early for a Sunday~! I have to finish my part of the math assignment by tomorrow, so I'm doing it all now. However, I underestimated how long it will take me to do it because these formulas are a little hard to understand. And I hit an unexpected bump yesterday which had me in fit of panic.

I didn't buy the current version of my math textbook because it was like $120, and I just bought the previous version from someone, which was $25. As I started to do my assignment yesterday, I noticed that my previous edition book didn't have a Chapter 9. I thought that was a mistake, since the assignment was clearly on Chapter 9. So I looked up the Table of Contents of the new book, and there was a Chapter 9.

I have a tendency to not notice tiny things like that. And look how it came to bite me in the butt. A large part of the exam will be based on this chapter too, and I don't have it! Not to mention, I won't be able to finish the assignment! There was no time to borrow it from someone either. So I ended up finding an online version which  was about $70 cheaper than the bookstore, and I figured this I don't really have much of a choice, so I ended up buying it.